I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
