we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
