I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
