hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
