I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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