tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
