If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize