this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Found your dick twin last night
Found the puke drawer
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
