i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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