So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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