how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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