I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
