so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
