i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
porn star boner night. come get it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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