It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
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Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
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I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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