From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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