it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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