have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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