Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
