but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
