Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
