Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
