i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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