my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
