I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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