found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
zippers are such a cool invention
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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