my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
