You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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