you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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