I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
