Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You made out with two different species that night
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
