Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
