Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
