I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
be right there i have to get my cape
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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