we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
