there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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