You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
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Intervention is following me on twitter.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
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He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?