By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
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My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
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I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars