I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
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Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
I'm just looking out for you.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go