either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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