I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Okay so I just had a really great idea