here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
