Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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