Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
