Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
