I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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