Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
