We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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