We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
