Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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