Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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