i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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