Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
