dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize