Small penises have feelings too.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
