I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
