I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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