You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
