i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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