Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
