First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
