i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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