i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Sorry my hands just texted you
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
