Heybabeimwearingurpanties
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
