Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
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I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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