I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
