Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
