One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
