Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
