How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
